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Buttfuck, NC
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Story Time.

2009-08-17 22:47:01 by IndieR0B0T

Well, I don't speak Flash or have any way of getting artwork onto the 'net, so I've decided to make a News Post so my profile isn't completely barren. Out of a number of fond schooltime memories, I have selected one for your amusement.

In my sophomore year of high school, I took a Computer Applications class. Our rowdy, pack of strays we call a class was always doing stuff to annoy our batshit insane, walking failure of a teacher. One of the many things we did stemmed from a discovery I made in the bathroom in our hall. I asked to be excused, and made my way to the bathroom. I could sense things were about to get hilarious when I saw a few girls drop a bucket of paint all over the floor. I laughed and then walked into the bathroom.

The urinals and the small stall were taken, so I sauntered over to the larger stall, minding my own business. As soon as I spotted it, sitting in the corner, pushed against the wall, I leapt backwards and made a small sound, startling the nearby students. My surprised face washed away into hilarity as I gazed down onto the most massive pile of human fecal matter I've ever seen. The other students in the lavatory walked over and soon joined my fits of uncontrollable laughter. After draining my main vein, I skipped down the hallway back into my class room and sat down amongst my friends. Through my giggling, I managed to tell them about my discovery. My friend, Mitch, decided to take a look. Several minutes later, he came back with a straight, serious face. He sat down and nervously spoke to us.

"I....I contributed".

I lost my shit at that point, I was literally crying. Word spread through the rows of computers, everyone going to the bathroom to add on to the mound. After everyone had gone to either contribute or laugh at it, I asked to be excused to go to the water fountain. When I reentered the restroom, I saw the monster. Do you remember the scene in Jurassic Park with the sick Triceratops? And the huge mound of shit? This pile easily rivaled it. The edges of it were pouring out from underneath the stall. The base was a dark brown, followed by an eel like diarrhea brown coil, streaked with red. More dark brown, some light brown splotches. Perched at the top was a jet black ball of shit. It was the cherry on top.

Stifling my laughter, I returned to the class, having sufficiently cried all my tears out. I told Mitch, the first contributer to the original work, to go and have a second viewing. He came back, acting very upset and told the teacher that someone in the hallway told him that some kid was going to slit his wrists in the boys' bathroom. Our burly teacher, who looked like an aging cockerspaniel, grabbed her sagging titties and ran to the bathroom. When she returned, you could tell she ran into the stall trying to save the nonexistent suicide, because shit was coating her shoes and one of her legs. Apparently she slipped and fell into the pile. Needless to say, she was super pissed. She did the most cliche thing possible: she grabbed Mitch by the ear and hauled him to the office. The males in the class burst into laughter, some literally ROFLing.

That day lived on in infamy for the rest of the school year. No one felt bad for the janitors who had to clean it up.